The Motions
by 7Knight-Wolf
Summary: An Aravis song fic with Matthew West's "The Motions." What was Aravis feeling when she tried to stab herself? When she was being attacked by the Lion? Sometimes people get so sick of pointless life that they turn to complete desperation.


**The Motions**

Well, here she was out in the woods. It was just her, the knife, and the horse. Aravis' heart pounded and her hands shook slightly, but she refused to give in now. She ran her fingers along the edge of the knife, gently feeling the cold keenness that would be her death. How painful would a knife through the heart be?

_This might hurt…_

How long had it been since her misery began? Aravis wondered if it had been there her whole life, and she just hadn't noticed it until her father remarried. Father went behind her back and betrayed the family by suddenly bringing a stepmother into the picture. The woman was and crossed boundaries on every level of Aravis' life.

_It's not safe…_

Aravis' stepmother was not much better than a monster. She pushed and shoved for social standing, she was dishonest to win the favor of Tarkaans and Tarkeenas, and she was a brutal mistress of her slaves. The ladies-in-waiting had all reported mistreatment of some kind or other, and if Aravis wasn't careful to lay low she could get in trouble too. The pressure in social settings combined with the pressure in her home now…Aravis could barely manage.

_But I know I've gotta make a change…_

Aravis wanted to rebel against the woman, but all the odds were against her. Then the worst thing happened: stepmother decided she had enough of annoying children. At her request, Aravis' brother was sent off as a soldier, and Aravis was selected as the bride for Ahosta Tarkaan, a miserable, fat old man in a miserable, crowded city. The marriage was an attempt to get more social standing and money, and as for Aravis' brother being sent away…a stroke of pure spite.

_I don't care _

_If I break…_

A few weeks passed and Aravis received word that her brother had been killed. His armor was sent back, bloodied and bent. And Aravis' marriage was going to take place soon. That was why she was here, alone in the forest, drawing the knife closer to her chest.

_At least I'll be feeling something…_

A strange voice broke through Aravis' thoughts. Had she heard her horse speaking? Ashamed of panicked hallucinations, Aravis prepared again to stab herself. Suddenly her mare came forward and knocked the knife out of her hand. Aravis could not believe that her horse was actually talking to her…but it was. Hwin described Narnia, a country of hope and freedom. Aravis no longer wanted to live her life as a rich Tarkeena, but running away could be an alternative. So she did it. Maybe, just maybe, running was the answer.

'_Cause just ok  
Is not enough  
Help me fight through the nothingness of life__…_

Aravis and her talking horse ran northward. After they ran into Bree and Shasta, Aravis began to feel wonder if she was sinking into her old life again. Just being around other people made her go back through the patterns of pride and tradition. Did she even _want_ to spend time with a slave boy?

_I don't wanna go through the motions…_

Tashbaan made things far worse. When Aravis was in the house of Lasaraleen, she was again reminded of her old life, and half-tempted to go back to it. These thoughts scared Aravis so badly she left the city as fast as she could.

_I don't wanna go one more day__  
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me…_

The desert mirrored her emptiness of spirit. The gorge and the water mirrored the hope that was hiding in the nothingness. On and on went the runaways: horses, slave, and Tarkeena. It was a long, hard walk through the sand, and a long, hard run began the next day.

_I don't wanna spend my whole life asking  
What if I had given everything?_

"Run, Hwin! Run!" Aravis remembered shouting repeatedly. She had seen the riders from Tashbaan coming over the hills. The runaways would have to run fast and run hard if they wanted to warn the Narnians about the impending attack. Adrenaline pumped through Aravis' body…this was her chance to do something, to accomplish something…just to feel something outside of her emptiness. So she urged her horse to go on as fast as possible. There was so much energy in that run.

_Instead of going through the motions…_

From behind her, Aravis heard the roar of a Lion. It made Bree and Hwin run that much harder. The galloping and desperation was so energizing and exciting…yet even here, Aravis felt empty. Confused, she turned around and saw the Lion coming. She didn't know if the beast was going to rip her to pieces or not. There was something about that Lion, and Aravis was ready to let it maul her if it could only bring some meaning into her life. If there was no meaning, then she would be hapy to die by the Lion's paws.

_No regrets  
Not this time  
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind…_

The Lion came on, roaring. It was the most horrible beast Aravis had ever seen. Yet its roaring left her feeling high. Her face was expressionless as the beast came toward her. The Lions' claws dug into Aravis' back, tearing her shirt. She shuddered, half in delight and half in incomprehensible horror.

_Let Your love__  
Make me whole…_

The claws raked downward, ripping her skin and making blood pour. The Lion pulled out his claws, drew back for a fraction of a section, and then went at her with his other paw. The same sensation: stabbing, ripping, withdrawing. Aravis screamed and felt herself slipping away. She now had ten slices on her back, and she wanted more, but she passed out.

_I thin__k I'm finally feeling something…_

Yes, she felt it. Aravis woke up in bed in the hermit's shack. Her back felt like it had been lashed with a bullwhip. She got up and went into the lawn, where Bree and Hwin were grazing. Before long the three of them got to talking about Lions, and then about Aslan, and then…He came. Aslan himself, in the flesh, came up to each of the three. When He came to Aravis, she looked deep into her attacker's eyes.

_I don't wanna go through the motions…_

Aravis felt tears in her eyes. A totally new sensation came over her: real feeling. Something in the Lion's claws had awakened her soul to new capacity. It had hurt, but it was a necessary step in the proccess. The wound would heal. And Aravis suddenly understood the meaning of freedom. She was full of hope. Life could be liveable again.

_I don't wanna go one more day_

_With out your all-consuming passion inside of me…_

Aravis finally felt something. She felt love for the Lion, and she felt like she herself was finally worth something. She even felt like she could love others the way she loved Aslan. She could love Shasta.

_I don't wanna spend my whole life asking_

_What if I had given everything?_

_Instead of going through the motions _

She waited a few anxious days, and then Shasta came back. He had a new name: Cor, and he was to the Prince of Archenland. Cor seemed unusually awkward, and Aravis felt strangely shy as well. She was taken to the castle of Anvard where she could start a new life.

_Take me all the way  
Take me all the way  
Take me all the way…_

A few days passed as Aravis settled into her new life. Things did not seem empty or routine anymore. She had so much to live for, including being with her friends. Everything was different here: she could dress how she wanted, talk how she wanted, and there wasn't a strict code of heirarchy. Her heart was free.

_I don__'t wanna go through the motions_

_I don't wanna go one more day_

_With out your all-consuming passion inside of me…_

When the matters with Rabadash were settled, the castle was more peaceful and happier than ever. Aravis went onto the battlement of Anvard that night, and was surprised to see Cor there. They stood side by side, enjoying the cool night air. Both felt at peace with each other for the first time. Cor turned his head and looked at Aravis; there was a question on his lean, sunburned face. Aravis looked away, reminding herself that she had to be appropriate. Or was she just doing the old thing, witholding herself with strict rules?

_I don't wanna spend my whole life asking_

_What if I had given everything?_

Aravis looked at Cor again. She allowed affection to creep into her face. "Thank you, Cor," she said. She didn't need to elaborate; he had always been there for her. Aravis took Cor's hand, which he had been holding out since she turned away the first time. She leaned on his shoulder, free of pretenses.

_Instead of going through the motions__…_

The End.


End file.
